the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
