I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
