i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
