Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
