oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
