pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
