That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
