You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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