A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
