I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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