You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
