I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
