PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
