I wish I could punch you in the face.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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