um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
