Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
