I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
