She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
