She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
