I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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