Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
