I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
