All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
