I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
