i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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