LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
