I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
