Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
