this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
