And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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