We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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