My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
