what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
