If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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