You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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