isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
