so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
