So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
