You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
