i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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