First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
splinters make it hard to masturbate
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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