I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
