the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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