If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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