no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
