My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
