I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
