I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
