Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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