1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
