oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
